Hand me down feelings

There is a difference between empathy and taking on another person's feelings. Empathy allows you to place yourself in another's position with what they are experiencing emotionally. You can identify with the sadness they feel when a pet dies or the joy in an accomplishment. Taking on another person's feelings is not the same process. Now you are acting as if the experience that prompted these feelings was yours initially. You can actually feel a deep sense of shame that you cannot shake off. Or you assume the fear that you see in another. These are "hand me down" feelings in that they do not originate with you. Instead you adopt them as if they did. "I know how you feel" is different from "Let me adopt your feelings." In the latter case we may experience all the physiological changes that accompany the presence of that emotion and may pay a price for that. Think of this the next time you are participating in the sharing of an emotional experience. Did you empathize with or adopt the emotions involved? How did you know the difference?